RESTORATION

Wow, in two days it will have been five months since I have typed even one single word into this blog. Life sure has been changing quickly but also going by with a snails pace. I have found myself going down so many different roads. Roads that I'm not so sure I want to go down. Wondering if the decisions that I have made have been the correct ones. Wondering if I really heard God's answer correctly. Trying to figure out why my life is going the way that it is when I truely know why. I need more of him and I'm not truely 100% committed. I always seem to get to this point in my spirtual walk and can't get over that hump. Up the hill. I long for more to go to that next level but I still revert back to my horrible habits. I know what I need to do but I seem to still have one foot kinda dangling over top of the fence, not necessarily sitting on the fence, just overtop.
I'm getting ready to embark on yet another adventure. I'm going to be included in a christian trio group. Brad Peelman and Karla Noorlag are my other bandmates. Its really new but it has gotten the gears in my head turning. I can't expect to be a blessing to God's people if I don't have my life right. If I'm not living close to perfect as I can. I long for the voices to bring in the holy spirit to a place and have people overwhelmed. I want blessings, healings, savings. I want POWER!
I don't wont to hide anything but I'm sorta scared. I know that God has his arms completely open and all he wants is for me to be as close to him as possible. I know what I need to do in every aspect of my life, I guess I just need to pray for God's help and guidance. I need to read my bible every day, absorbing his words/teachings to apply to my life. I need to have daily prayer time with him. I need to lay everything before his feet. I need to invite him in to every nook and cranny of my life. I need to give up the things of this world. Get healthy both in mind, body, and soul. I need, want, desire to be HELD!
I desire to not keep doing this with my life, returning to this same place over and over. I'm going to jump this hurdle once and for all.
THE BEGINNING!

Current Mood: Sad, Hopeful, Blessed
Currently listening to: Meredith Andrews: You invite me In

Beautiful Life...

Lately I have found myself trying to live just one day at a time. In the past I was someone that tried to figure it out all at one time. Its hard to switch from that mentality to a new one of "its ok not knowing what tomorrow is supposed to be or what it will bring". I think so far I have done a pretty good job of accomplishing this new way of life. I moved all the way from SC to IN, with no money in my pocket and moving to a new place that I new nothing about. I put all my trust in God the father that he knew what was best for me and if I trusted him everything would be ok. So far he has been completely RIGHT! Not that I thought that he wouldn't be right but its always hard to put your trust in something that you never saw yourself doing. Its hard to pack up everything and move across the country with no guarantees.
Upon the day of my arrival it was confirmed that I was supposed to be here. I received my acceptance letter to ISU and day by day it has been revealed that I am in the right place.
I have started attending my parents church Victory Baptist. I have had the opportunity to fufill one of my life long dreams of singing. I am singing on praise team and doing solo's when I get the chance. I am also singing in the christmas play for december and helping start up the new praise team for the youth group. Another new exciting thing is that a local guy in the church came up to my sunday morning after my solo and told me he couldn't believe how beautiful my singing was and he wants to sing a duet with me. I have wanted to sing harmony with a guy for a very very long time. He has a really good voice and I think that we would sound good together. Each and everyday it is shown me how much God loves me and how much he has my best interest at heart. I love seeing what God has planned for me and how he lets my life unfold before my eyes. I also might get to take piano lessons for free if I help one of my mom's friends with singing lessons. I have always wanted to play the piano but have just never had the money to do so. I think it would be really great to sing with the piano. I am overwhelm with emotion....

Listening to: Kari Jobe's "The More I Seek You" ( BEAUTIFUl!)
Current Mood: Blessed beyond compare, Thankful!

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Thursday October 23, 2008

Wow, so its been a while since posting a new blog. I apologize. When I first started this blog the plan was to write something each day but I have found myself not accomplishing that. Life has been steady lately but everything is new. I have started two new jobs recently. Neither one very satisfying but I am blessed to have money coming in at least. The first job I work is in the deli in a local IGA grocery store. Its tiring work that takes no brain power to complete. Its a lot of cutting meat and waching dishes. Lots and Lots of dishes! The other job is substituting at the local highschool. Its more rewarding and not as tiring. I had the opportunity for the first time yesterday. It was interesting but I enjoyed it.

I have also recently got more involved with my parents church in the music department. I have sung solo's in the past and now I am singing on sunday mornings and working with the youth praise band. I am in heaven. I love to sing and I am so blessed to be able to do so. I have waited a very long time to be able to use my gift and be appreciated. I am here.

Indiana is great. I thought that I wasn't going to like it... but so far I have enjoyed the small town feeling, working one minute from the house and the colder weather. I can't wait until the snow comes. I can't wait to have a white christmas and to be able to sled down a big hill and possiblely go ice skating on a lake.

School starts in january and so I have been trying to get everything organized. The university told me that I am required to stay on campus being that I am a freshman so I have already applied for housing. I am hoping that I get a good dorm with a great roommate. Today I went to talk to a financial advisor to see about school loans but didn't get much information. It has been sort of frustrating because I have gone a few times over the last few weeks trying to get help for certain school things but have found myself not getting very far. I have left both times feeling like I have gotten nowhere.

This afternoon I applied for a citi school loan and got declined. Its frustrating but I know that God has ordered my steps here and for ISU and I am just going to continue to trust that everything will fall into place and that he will continue to walk by my side and order my steps just like he always has.

God is so Good!!!
Current Mood: Blessed beyond compare!!!!
Currently listening to: Law and Order

Well it has been about nine days since my last post so I thought I would get on here and update a little bit.
My move to Indiana went well but my car has still not been unpacked. Life has been so crazy that I just haven't had time... My car is still jam packed full of stuff. I don't know when I will get around to emptying it. I will probably just keep taking stuff out a little at a time as I need it. There just isn't anywhere in my house to put all my stuff right now.
The last two weeks I have spent my time looking for a new job. I have applied at so many places it isn't funny. I never thought I would have this much trouble finding a job. I have pretty good experience and I am pretty well educated. I have found myself getting really discouraged but my Mom just keeps telling me the right job just hasn't come around. I did have a phone interview today with a local bank for a teller position. I am excited and can't wait to find out the results. I also had a little pre-interview and paper work thingy with a local grocery store on Monday....I am supposed to find out my results of a background check later this week... But they weren't very flexible on hours. I told them I could work monday through saturday anytime but I could only work between the hours of one pm and four pm on sunday. She asked why and I explained that I had church and choir practice. I am just not going to give that up. I have been very laxidasial about going to church the last few years and I am not going to bring that bad habit with me. I feel that my life has changed dramatically the last few weeks and that is one thing that I can start a new with. Plus she told me that they are union and mom says that is not a good thing. If she calls back I am just going to explain that I am not interested.
Another good thing is that I am going to start tomorrow working with the youth praise band at my new church... Victory Baptist (M&D's Church). I am uber excited because it is something that I have wanted to do for a very very long time. I can't wait to see the potential that I have to work with.
I am currently really sore because for some reason my back has been hurting really bad today. I woke up this morning with some of the worst back pain that I have had in a really long time. It has been almost worse than the pain that I had when I got into an auto accident back in january with the grandparents. It has been very miserable and Vicodin didn't even help very much. I sure hope it is gone by tomorrow.
Another interesting thing in my life right now is that I have applied to be a substitute teacher at the local schools in the area. I don't think that I will have any problem but it takes about two weeks to get the certificate back. My two weeks are a week from today and I am hoping that I can work at the highschool everyday during school hours and then maybe work at night somewhere else. I need to be able to save as much money as I can for school.

Currently listening to: Dad doing push ups
Current mood: in pain and tired

Indiana

Life has changed alot and I now live in Clinton Indiana with my parents. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would ever move to the little town of Clinton Indiana let alone live with my parents again. It will only be for a few months until school starts.
School starts again in January for my batchelor of science classes. I will be attending Indiana State University in Terre Haute Indiana. The University requires that incoming freshman live in campus even if they have already attended college and are transfer students. I am a little apprehensive about living on campus but very excited to experience the college life. I am a littel worried that I will get paired with someone that I don't get along with but I am hoping for the best. I think it would be great if I can live with someone that is also pre dental, we could study together. Maybe I will get lucky we will just have to see....The campus is beautiful and I can't wait to be apart of it.
Look for future posts on what I find out about school and what my living arrangements turn out to be.

Current thought: Blessed
Currently Listening to: Dogs Barking

Trying Not To CRY... Its Very Hard!

Today I did one of the hardest things that I have ever done up to this point in my life. I said Goodbye to my all time best friend Brandi. Besides saying Goodbye to my parents and siblings a few years ago this tops the charts. I met brandi a little over a year ago when I went back to school for dental assisting. She was in my class of 21 and we hit it off immediately. We had so much in common and shared the same passion for music and Jesus Christ. God brought us together and no one will ever tear us apart. I can honestly say that she has become a TRUE friend that I will have for the rest of my life and I one day will have her working for me in my dental practice and I hope to raise our future children together. She has been a rock when I've needed someone to lean on and she has given me advice in times of turmoil. Up to this point in life besides Jesus Christ and my Mother she has been my backbone and someone I could always go to in support. The next few years are going to be very hard because it will be difficult not to have her standing by me available to see and talk to when ever I need her. Even though she is still alive and well I almost feel like I am mourning someone who has gone on. I pray that these next few years go by fast and we can then be reunited.